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The fact is the Bible really is true and really does have answers. It lays out not only the mess we’ve made but the design behind it all. It says that we’re made in God’s image and that the relationships we’re meant to build are meant to reflect God. A man is supposed to love his wife the way Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, to present her spotless and beautiful without blemish (Ephesians 5:25-27). What that means is that at the very least a girl should be looking for this, a guy who makes her more beautiful. Not a guy who appreciates how beautiful she is already (although I expect they will) but one who adds to her beauty. Take this into account, is he making you more special? More happy? More positive or more powerful?

Now I’m not writing this as a shout of frustration, though in the past I’ve been very frustrated with beautiful girls going out with absolute wasters who diminish them and make them feel small. No, a couple of weeks ago I was talking to a girl who says she always gets the wrong guy and every guy she’s been out with has been rubbish. Well, you’re looking in the wrong place and you’re looking for the wrong thing. If you meet someone in a nightclub at best, you get an idea of what they think of you (and that’s probably only what they can see). In actual fact you probably won’t know anything. How do you know if they’ll add to your value? It’s just simple logic, unless a guy makes you more special or more beautiful, you’re better off without one rather than having one who destroys your self-esteem and belittles your goals.

I know it’s hard to find a relationship like this, but it’s ok being single you know. You just have to make the most of your choices. You can build real friendships of trust and hope, you can develop goals and skills and character, you can get up and go places and do things that other people are tied down and can’t do and you don’t have to spend your money on someone else.

So, ask yourself some questions… Does he spend more on you than he consumes from you? Does he make you feel more beautiful and prouder of who you are? Does he invest in your long-term future, does he value your goals? If he does there’s no guarantee he’s right, but if he doesn’t there’s pretty much a guarantee that he’s wrong for you.

I must admit, what does frustrate me is that girls go out with rubbish guys and let them be like that and it just gives them the feeling that it’s ok to be a scumbag. If you don’t change the parameters, they’ll just keep being the same. They’ll be drunkards, they’ll be abusive, they’ll be negative and depressing, they’ll be domineering or belittling or tiring or they’ll just suck up everything you’ve got. The Bible says relationships reflect God (Genesis 1:27). Does that guy bear any resemblance to godly behaviour? Would he father your children in the protective, hopeful, loving way God parents us? Does he love you or care for you as Jesus does?

Oh, and by the way, make these decisions before you agree to anything. It’s much harder to get out of something once you started. He’s not going to change so don’t begin thinking he might become that later, you know that’s just kidding yourself on. Just for once I’d like to see a guy ask a girl out and for her not to say Yes or No but “I don’t know if you’re right for me, I don’t know if you have my best interests at heart. What do you hope to happen?” Somebody has to challenge the way this world works because it will crush you until you feel worthless. Relationships done right can be the most powerful evidence for God. Relationships done wrong can take you to dark places where God is really hard to find. You choose